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Friday, June 19, 2009

The Single's Field Guide to Professional Shadchanim (Part I)

For the enterprising young woman wishing to hunt shadchanim for fun and profit, it is essential to familiarize oneself with the species' various breeds and the best environments for spotting them. This guide will just help you get started in your exciting new hobby; once you begin to explore the joys of shadchan-seeking you will find yourself making your own new discoveries all the time!

Habitat: While shadchan-sightings have been reported in such diverse locations as wedding halls and supermarkets, you are most likely to find them in their natural settings such as homes or offices. These tend to cluster around breeding grounds for singles such as large institutions of learning, which keep the P. Shadchantus supplied with materials vital for their survival in the wild.

Technique: Those wishing to observe P. Shadchantus relatively unnoticed should attempt to blend in with the surroundings as much as possible. This can be achieved by a straightening of the hair and purchase of a post-Bais-Yaakov uniform, combined with a standard schooling history and a career as a preschool assistant. However, in order to obtain personal benefit from taming the specimen, it is necessary to approach one's quarry at close range and attract its attention. While specific techniques may vary according to the subspecies and region, which will be noted later, certain measures of preparation are always wise before beginning a field maneuver: One should equip with copious quantities of green-tinged presidential portraits, slip gracefully into a size 2 skirt, acquire a letter of acceptance to a kiruv or special ed camp, and identify all scholarly and saintly ancestry.


Ezzie said...

Hehe. :)

Something Different said...

That whole long wait and I don't even get to see the second half??


Ariella said...

"a post-Bais-Yaakov uniform"= a black skirt, straight but not tight with no slit (though a kickpleat is ok), usually topped by a black sweater over a white shell. Moderate makeup would convey nubile status without immodest color. Jewelry should, likewise, be subtle-- not too bold. In other words,one should always look appropriate for an interview for shidduchim.

ProfK said...

P. Shadchantus huh? I'll take it--it sure beats some of the other names people call shadchanim.

lvnsm said...

lol :)

It's diff in La