In our previous lesson, I presented the fundamentals of boys' and girls' most basic needs. While all humans share these and other needs, those discussed are the most essential -- once satisfied, individuals can focus more attention on their wants. While children will see to it that their needs are met by hook or by crook, it is the murky area of their conflicting wants that can ensnare unsuspecting teachers. Therefore, I offer this tutorial.
Boys want life to be fair. If you can assure them that everything will be fair, you earn some respect. This can be difficult and requires much discipline, but it's quite logical and if you have any difficulties, boys will be glad to set you straight. However, you have probably realized by now that life is not fair. While this may seem like an insurmountable obstacle to a teacher of boys, rest assured that it, too, can be dealt with quite simply. Techniques will be discussed in the next lesson.
Girls want life to be nice. Though not as treacherous as "friends," "nice" can be frustrating in its own right. Mark my words and you will be spared disappointment in the future: Nice has no limit. You will never be "nice" enough.
Now, girls believe in fair, too. They will use this word hourly, on average. Do not be fooled. Girls do not want fair. I repeat: Girls do not want "fair." When a girl says "It's not fair!" she really means, "I want you to be nicer to me." If you play fair with girls, be prepared to ignore tears.
Lest you suspect me of taking a negative view of our dear children, let me assure you that both nice and fair have clear advantages. A child truly dedicated to one or the other principle will apply it in all situations, even if the beneficiary is not him- or herself. This can be a wonderful springboard for character development... as long as you lay off their needs, as discussed in the previous lesson and to be explained further in the future.
In our next installment: Techniques for making life look fair to your advantage, and how this relates to the needs of both populations.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Interplanetary Science 102
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8 comments:
You got it exactly right! When we play Scrabble, my son insists that we stick exactly to the rules so that the game should be FAIR, while my daughters are always looking to cheat a little so that the game should be "more fun for us". (This drives my son ballistic.)
Wish I had a nickle for every time I've had to say to students that life isn't always fair--fair is a weather report. You're right, the boys believe that fair is what it's all about. Old rhyme from my youth asked What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice. The nice part works as long as you remember that pepper is also a spice.
wise.
Words of wisdom! Publish it.
pretty good, keep it up
Love this insight! And I can't wait for your next lesson on how to be fair. I find it a challenge to punish the 'right' student. Sometimes when I punish a certain student, he will say that it isn't fair, that HE didn't do it. Being a fair teacher can be really hard sometimes, since you don't have eyes in your back!
Actually in this case I think it is a case of our education (fairness is one of the 13 attributes of G-d, having fun isn't one of the 13 attributes) because cheating is never good because it hurts others who are honest.And to blame someone unfairly you are hurting that person for no reason. I know as a man in school and growing up if a man is dishonest they are held accountable. My mother would get angry when I was dishonest even if I was dishonest because my mother was very mean at times. Even reading this women's comments she seems to be happy her son is ballistic. But when my sister was dishonest my mother didn't care. Unless it is for peace I don't know if it is good to cheat. Furthermore, when women are dishonest the community doesn't care or makes excuses for them and thinks women will always be naturally good which is an insult by the way to the women that work hard on their middot.I see this a lot dating that women really hurt men by their dishonesty and don't even care. And to be fair I rarely read the other way around. So I think it has to do with our community not teaches women that to be a good person takes work and for some strange reason pushes this idea that women are NATURALLY GOOD which as I said hurts the women that really do stand out in their righteousness which didn't come without some work. NOne of the Matriarchs was any of their great traits having fun. I think women tend to have more mercy then Justice which I think is important as a good married man would want his justice tempered with his wife's mercy.
Yes, life isn't always fair but this doesn't mean that we therefore tell the person that was treated unfairly that he shouldn't care. That is actually against one of G-d's attributes. The world is imperfect but we are SUPPOSE TO MAKE IT BETTER NOT SAY WELL THE WORLD IS UNFAIR SO THEREFORE IF OUR SON IS TREATED UNFAIRLY WE DON"T CARE OR we punish somebody for no reason. We should be fair and not blame the other and if girls don't understand that I think the Rabbi's and other who make excuses for the women are to blame.
Thihs is so true. When my father was giving out Chanukah money, my little brother wanted it to be fair and was willing to give up money so that the older ones shouldn't get more, and that we should all get equal amounts. Say he's 12 years old, instead of everyone getting their age money, he said we should all just get 10 dollars.
Then it makes sense why girls are always nicer, because they don't look at what's logical, and would risk telling a white lie so that things should be nice and peaceful.
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