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Monday, June 16, 2008

The Best Shadchanim Still Have Baby Teeth

Some claim that they (and you) are bound by the rules of the game.
Some pay attention to all the wrong things.
Some are discouraged and jaded by... well, see
ProfK's post.
Some simply lack the persistence to see you through all the hang-ups.

Tired of the classic shadchan scene?
Ever notice that kids pose none of those problems?

That's right, ladies and gents, the enterprising youths in your life could be the answer to your prayers.
Fortunately, I am blessed with quite a handful of children in my life. Intelligent, creative, persistent, adorable ones... with plenty of chutzpah. And they have the perfect boy for me... so they say.

The first few shidduchim they suggested had to get turned down for minor technical reasons -- namely, the suitors were either engaged already or waiting to graduate elementary school. But this one! This one is perfect. He knows how to play Sorry and Trouble; surely one can't ask for more.

As they sing his praises, there's a knock at the door. Dad opens it as we listen curiously from the den.
"Oh, hello Mr. Right!"
Not realizing that sound carries both ways, or maybe not caring, my pint-sized shadchan stage-whispers, "THAT'S HIM!!!"
Mr. Right goes on to explain how his hosts for Shabbos seem to have absconded, leaving him stranded for lunch, and Dad welcomes him in. He has unsuspectingly walked into a regular "bashow" (whatever that is.)

The menfolk sit down to talk Torah (ding! 1 point) while the women prepare lunch and the kids wait and watch with bated breath. Dad calls for kiddush and I find myself seated strategically opposite Mr. Right. Well, he doesn't look bad. Of course, as it was Shabbos, the only things we hear from each other for the next fifteen minutes or so are two amens apiece.
After hamotzie, I exit stage right to cut the fish while my dear little friend and aspiring shadchan helps mix a salad as he delicately makes conversation.

"BAS~MELECH, ARE YOU GONNA MARRY MR. RIGHT?"
(The kid should be a head counselor -- he'll never have to worry when the megaphones malfunction.)

Seeing my hesitation (why do the witty comebacks only emerge when it's just too late to work?), his senior partner forges on.
"WELL, AREN'T YOU AT LEAST GONNA GO OUT WITH HIM?"

Thoroughly pink by this time, I make a mental note to catch that kid and give him a little lesson in shidduch etiquette before re-entering the dining room. Meanwhile, I consider asking Mr. Right out for an evening, if only to make the kids shut up.

How's that for effective matchmaking?
Bonus: You don't even have to worry about tipping the shadchan. They'll be happy with a trip out for pizza or something.

10 comments:

Ezzie said...

LOL! That's awesome! :)

I happen to agree, really. Kids should do this. They basically force the people to laugh and talk to one another, if only to make it clear that "oh no, *I* didn't make her think this".

Nu, gonna date him? :P

halfshared said...

Lol children are the best shadchanim out there. I think there was a letter in the yated a few weeks ago telling young women to go to camps as staff as they will be exposed to hundreds of little shadchanim..hey, ya never know!!

ProfK said...

Would agree in theory that kids would make perfect shadchanim but having had it happen in real life makes me just a bit leery. My sister, 12 years younger than I am, greeted my date at the door with "Are you the boy who's gonna marry my sister?" She also made it a point to reveal certain personal information to other boys who came into the house that was really truly better left unsaid. How much I love her anyway is evidenced by the fact that I let her live.

M said...

I second Ezzie- so nu, are you gonna go out with him???

Bas~Melech said...

Yeesh, you people are impossible! Will I date him? Dunno. Unless he gets engaged in the near future, it's altogether likely, with such persuasive people on our case.

He seemed pretty nice, but I'd like to find out more before putting any optimistic thoughts into people's minds (Hey, we're talking here about kids... give them an inch...)

Michelle said...

Another good thing about kids: most of the time they don't lie.
They're not like Shadchanim who will make things up to convince you to go out with one another. Nope, kids are pretty much straight up.

the apple said...

There is a Bertie and Jeeves story by PG Wodehouse wherein Bertie's friend Freddie has just been dumped by his girlfriend, and Bertie connives to get a little kid to shout "Kiss Freddie!" when the girlfriend shows up.

And guess what - it works!

The Babysitter said...

I agree with this one, kids can be great in that way, they have no embarrassment because they don't fully understand the concept, but sometimes kids know best.

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Affordable Dental Teeth Whitening said...

hahaha
Great post! you really did make my day!
children are the best shadchanim i found that out too!
Nu, so you're going to go out with him right???

-Gali