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Sunday, November 11, 2007


I'd always said it would never happen to me.
I watched my friends, classmates, and even my mom succumb to the craze, but I wouldn't give in. It wasn't even a struggle; I simply had no interest.
So what happened since then that turned me, sensible ol' BasMelech, into a compulsive OnlySimchas clicker?
I have my suspicions.

It started one day when I heard that my [former?] best friend got engaged.
Heard, as in, through the grapevine.
Hey, I used to be the grapevine!
To add insult to injury, I'd just spoken to her a couple of days earlier, and she didn't say anything.
Now, we weren't in touch much lately, but still...

Then the same thing happened with another two friends. Though neither was as dear to me as the first, it had this snowball effect on my brain...

Then I got this email with pictures of a baby (about a month old) that I didn't recognize. The name was familiar though... Turns out she belongs to my former roommate. Again, we weren't so close, but come on -- roommates! She'd lived with me almost as long as she'd been living with her husband when that baby was born! I didn't even know she was expecting. And you can't even use the privacy excuse here as with shidduchim.

Then another email: "Bas-Melech, why didn't you tell me that [other, closer friend] had a baby two weeks ago?!" Um... she did? Boy or girl? Again, I didn't even know this was coming... Get this straight: This is the friend who personally emailed me photos from her wedding the night of because I couldn't make it halfway across the world to attend. Even if she was too busy becoming a mom to spread the joy, you'd think a mutual friend would have told me. Especially since, until I was stuffed into this cave (when did that happen?) I was the national yenta, town crier, and official news-spreader.

You get the picture. After months of silence, this went on for about a week straight. I never thought I'd be desensitized enough to say this, but I'd had enough. Even the richest, most delicious chocolate can make you nauseous if you gorge yourself with it. (Correction: you can never have too much chocolate. But just to make the point...)

Now, of course I only want to be happy for all of them. But it's time for the enchanted princesses to take a reality check: If you want me to share your simcha, start by sharing your simcha with me. And if you don't, then don't be surprised that I'm finding it hard to jump for joy at last week's seconhand recycled news.

It came to the point where I was afraid to pick up the phone. One of my last remaining single friends left me a voice mail that she wanted to reach me ASAP...after not returning my calls for about a month... I grabbed two squares of chocolate before returning the call, and I was still panicking.
"Hi, BasMelech!" she said, with a distinctive lilt to her voice.
"Don't say it." I snapped. "I know already."
"Oh." Pause. "How?"
"Ohmygosh, are you serious? I knew you sounded too happy!" I accused her outright.
"What what?"
"Nothing, just wanted to let you know I'm in town for Shabbos, I was hoping we could get together..."
What a waste of calories.
Thank heaven for single friends.
But wait a minute... what's she doing in town for Shabbos?!
No, really, I'm OK. Just give me a couple of weeks for the paranoia to fade out. Meanwhile, if you don't find me here often enough, I'll be busy checking OnlySimchas.


psyched said...

so true... I have had this happen to me so many times. It really does sting. It's like, you want to share the simcha, be a good friend, but feel so stupid when someone who you thought you were close to, doesn't even care to share. Whatever happened to sharing is caring????

There is a fine line between being a blabbermouth and preventing feelings of idiocy...

Anonymous said...

I just noticed the new phrase (underneath the title):
"A Webpage for for a King",
and I think that fits perfectly into your blog.
It is a very appropriate line.

Continue to stay strong (as you are, and don't worry about the calories).

(from gg)

Bas~Melech said...

GG -- don't mind the calories?! Hey, man, I'm in shidduchim! ;-)

Psyched -- Dunno if it's actually a lack of caring... they just kind of get swept away... and there are always the zealous OS-posters in the family who'll put out the grapevine before you can say "lechayim"...but...yeah.

As much as I was blown away by the news, I was very appreciative when two other friends (one who had barely been in touch since her wedding) called to share their good news in the making... (in the same week as all that other stuff! And they wonder why I'm going over the edge!) Needless to say, I was happier for them than all the others combined. I'm not trying to be selfish here; just reporting the facts as they happened.

Anonymous said...

P.S. from gg:

I just noticed the new question in your sidebar,
and this is obviously one of those occasions when you just pretend to be less smart than you are.

When confronted with a multitude of options, you can be depended upon to choose the best one (even if it sometimes requires careful deliberation).

And I'm certain that in real life
your friends (maybe even older friends) turn to you for guidance,
knowing that you can always be depended upon to figure out what's best.

halfshared said...

You just wrote the story of my life. It must have been so painful for you though to hear the news from only simchas or grapevine. I sometimes freak out when I get wedding invitations to friends from Seminary and I never even knew they were engaged. Or when a good friend that always complained to me about shidduchim even though she was 2 years younger than me, got engaged without telling me she was busy or even the day of her engagement, she didn't give me any warning. I felt kinda hurt, ya know...

bad4shidduchim said...

I don't care, as long as i find out that they got married before they invite me to their son's bar mitzva... better than acquiring another online addiction.

The Dreamer said...


Love you, my dear!

(DO I sound too happy to you?)

Bas~Melech said...

GG -- Now why would you think that? I am one of the world's most indecisive people... if I could figure out what I really want to do with my life, I'd probably have graduated by now.

HS -- OK, now let's feel lonely together. ;) *e-hugs*

B4S -- I find it hard to believe that you really don't care. But that's ok, no need to confess. (and I'm not addicted... haven't even gone on once today... it's just the feeling that something's probably going on and I'll be the last one to know)

Dreamer -- Dunno, can't hear you.

Everyone -- Pardon the appearance. I've been procrastinating again but don't have enough time to do it fully. Feel free to let me know what you think, but don't be too critical because I'm not done yet.

David_on_the_Lake said...

Very cute!

Bas~Melech said...

DOT -- Thanks.

B4S -- BTW, I did go back to OS later... and found another friend! class is on a roll this month. And here I thought we'd already fizzled out. (But this is the kind of thing I'm happy to find on OS, because I wouldn't have expected to hear from her anyway; we really lost touch)

~ Sarah ~ said...

very true. i'm sick of hearing about simchas from onlysimchas or getting an sms from a friend rather than the person actually making the small effort to tell me themselves. why? cos it's what friends should do.

Scraps said...

I lost count of all the friends whose simchas I discovered via onlysimchas. Some of them nearly gave me heart attacks (as in, "OMG SO-AND-SO is engaged?! WHAT?!"). But I've had a few years to get used to it already...I barely check anymore. If anyone wants me to know about their simcha that badly, they can tell me themselves.

Bas~Melech said...

Sarah -- That's how I feel about it, but then again, who's to decide what friends "should" do? Just playing devil's advocate... maybe if we stopped having expectations of our friends, there'd be fewer hard feelings.

Scraps -- Thanks for coming by. Hope you stick around; I don't see you in these parts so often anymore!

Scraps said...

Sorry, I really am reading, I just don't always feel like I have something to add. But I'm still here in the background. :)