My new excuse

With apologies for the poor inexcusably awful image editing, I introduce you to the newest member of the Bas~Melech family:

(Just because she happens to be a girl doesn't mean she has to be associated with a sissy book instead of a perfectly awesome one.)

I was also going to honor her in this post with a poem, but of course I composed it on Shabbos and...sigh. So I'll leave you with a motherly muse instead.

To TLP:
In the past, you knew only comfort (I assume...): warmth, nurturing, safety. Now you cry in desperation - you've found a world of hunger, cold, loneliness. I could let you cry a little longer. You won't starve or freeze. Really, you're OK. That's life, you'll get used to it eventually.

But I don't. I couldn't. I run to answer your every whimper, to make sure your needs are met immediately, to comfort you however I can.

Why? I know I can't protect you forever...

Maybe it's to make sure you know the feeling of being cared for in this world, to make sure you know such a thing still exists, so one day when I'm not here for you anymore - or when, despite my efforts, the harshness of the world comes to bite - when you'll be called upon to just believe that Hashem is taking care of you and it's all OK, you'll already know what it means to trust. Remember somewhere deep inside how secure you feel right now; that's where you want to come back to in due time.

It's OK, I'm here, as soon as you start to cry I'm waiting to scoop you into my arms and give you what you want.

(Now that you know that, can you please calm down so I can go back to sleep?)

Love,
Your Mommy

P.S. You are the cutest thing I have ever seen. Ever.

Naaseh Venishma

So I was learning a little in preparation for Shavuos, and of course the classical question arose about why "naaseh" (doing) comes before "nishma" (hearing).

My first thought was, "Hey! My kids do that!" You know, all the little guys with ADHD: Take action before listening to the instructions. Leap before you look. Naaseh before nishma. Gotta give those kids some credit.

I was going to inject some deeper meaning here, but I got busy, so I'm just posting this to get it out of drafts. Good for a grin, if not much else. Sorry. For deeper meaning on naaseh v'nishma, I think one of the Naaleh.com shiurim discussed it. Maybe this one. Speaking of which, I highly recommend Naaleh.com -- lots of free downloadable shiurim on all different topics, pretty well organized with tags and all.

Overheard at Dawn

The sun had risen; this could be inferred by the increasing paleness of the azure sky and the yellow tinge around the easterly clouds. The object of our attention, however, was yet obscured by man-made structures. About four dozen Jews huddled in their coats, conjecturing about whether enough sun could be seen. Rabbi S. said he was doing it at 6:30, so we can too. You have to be able to see a sliver. You only have to be able to see a sliver. A bunch of men over there were mumbling so I mumbled with them. You can see the light if you stand here. You still can't see the sun itself if you stand there. You shouldn't look at the sun itself anyway, so this is fine. That's it. No, that's just reflected light. Is. Isn't. Is.

One soft voice hails from a man for whom this is perhaps his third blessing of the sun.
"I waited 28 years for this, I'll wait another 28 minutes if I have to."

And that settles it.

Chag kasher vesameach, everyone. Keep things in perspective!

Photo credit: phlogthat.wordpress.com

I just realized that I really miss science. Before I fell in love with teaching, I and many of my friends were sure I would end up in some field of science, like medicine or biochemical research or something. Science has always held a special fascination for me.

This semester I had to go back and take a core science class that I'd missed earlier. As the students to my right and left scribble notes about cellular functions, protein synthesis, and genetic mutations, I sit spellbound -- if not agape, then muttering "Incredible! O G-d, You are unbelievable!" I ponder the intricacies of the world's structures, so elegantly producing innumerable outcomes, and realize that no matter how much explaining you do, the bottom line is always a miracle.

That is what I miss about science.

I'm not sorry I put science aside to go into teaching. First of all, teaching allows me opportunities to transmit my passion to students while keeping up my own learning. Secondly, I don't think I have the patience for science. The more you discover, the more you realize how much is still unexplained. But still, it's nice to keep an eye on it.

I was so excited to find this video of R' Avigdor Miller's classic shmeuss about appreciating nature. Ever since becoming familiar with his works, I have always regretted not knowing about this gadol in his lifetime. Being able to see his face and hear his voice is a gift.

This lesson is particularly timely as Chanukah approaches. One of the key lessons of Chanukah is appreciating the "small" miracles of everyday life. The great miracles open our eyes to G-d's prescence, and then we can begin to see it in everything. This is one reason why we celebrate for eight days. The menorah had enough oil for the first day, so one could argue that the miracle began on the second day and we should only be celebrating seven days of Chanukah. However, the realization that HaShem is the one keeping the menorah burning makes us recognize that even the natural burning of oil is a miracle designed by HaShem and performed on a regular basis.

So as Chanukah nears and finals approach, take a deep breath and catch a miracle in action!

Last year

Just re-linking to last year's Yom Kipur post, because I like it and don't want it to get lost in the retired blog.
http://torahthought.blogspot.com/2007/09/this-year.html

L'chaim -- To Life!

I want to share with you what is still my favorite piece of Yomim Nora'im perspective, no matter how many times I hear it. I don't even know what source to cite here, because I've heard this so many ways, but it is perfect every time.

We've all asked HaShem for life many times over the past week, and we will continue to do so until the books go back on the shelf on Hoshana Rabah. You know, the books -- in which the righteous are immediately inscribed for life, the evil go straight to death, and the rest, well, the rest wait and see.
At least, that's what they told you in grade school. But did you really buy it? People die during the Ten Days. Regular people. OK, maybe they weren't perfect, but... evil? So evil as to be inscribed for immediate death? And we know, too, that evil people have lived through multiple Yom Kippurs. Hitler, for example, lasted long enough.
So what is one to think, as you stand in shul and offer possibly your most heartfelt prayers: "G-d, I'm too young to die!"

What is life?
If life is a combination of biochemical processes, then indeed we have a conflict here between Hebrew-school legend and observable fact.
Perhaps life for a bacterium is a mere set of biochemical processes. However, Life for a Jew is so much more. Life is your neshama growing. Life is moving closer to HaShem.
And Life doesn't end when the body stops, either. Chazal say, "The righteous, even after they die, are considered alive. And the evil, even during their lifetime, are considered dead." Because life without spirituality is not Life. And a spiritual life never ends. The soul never dies.

Not only does this translation resolve the apparent conflict, it also takes much of the guesswork out of the judgement process. For who besides you can decide whether you will live in spirituality? It's not so much a matter of "Please don't kill me, G-d!" as "Sign me up for Life!" You can decide where you want to go. The Days of Awe aren't a time for you to be picked up like a piece of junk and tossed onto one pile or the other -- "keep or toss." They're a time of clarity, for you to remember what your options are and re-commit to Life. A time for you to come back, realize which of your past actions were veering off track, and to set yourself straight again.

Teshuva? Of course I regret those actions which took me further from Life!
Chatasi -- I erred. Like an arrow that misses its mark -- I meant well but went off-target.
I stumbled. I was on the right path but something got in my way that I hadn't anticipated. I'll be more careful now.
I went astray. I thought I could take a shortcut, or a scenic route, and still get to Life. Now I realize that it's been right here for me all along.

G-d, sign me up for Life! Because life without You is not Life at all.

Bas~Melech to Earth, come in please!

To the loyal readers out there, sorry for the long hiatus. This semester has hit me like a ton of bricks and temporarily disrupted my orbit of this Earth. I hope to return someday.

In other news, I have a cold. And I've realized something -- when I'm sick, life grinds to a halt. Now, granted, this is one really nasty cold. My head basically stopped working for a couple of days. So I called in to work sick, slept until noon, and cited Wikipedia as my only reference in all of my coursework. I turned off my phone because it hurt too much to talk, stopped counting calories and slurped shakes as fast as I could make them. I whined to anyone who would listen and did nothing around the house. So now I have work to make up, a dozen phone calls to return (I have never been this popular!), 5 pounds to lose, and a guilty conscience. (And I'm sitting here just blogging about it.)

All this reminded me of some friends I have who never feel as well as I do, yet they've made more of their lives than me even when I'm feeling great. Right, I'm back on the topic of my Simcha Special friends, because I can't get enough of them! Most live with chronic pain, many have breathing difficulties, limited mobility, and such, but they don't let that stop them. Wander into the beautiful library or beis midrash at camp, and you will find campers who rise in time to daven before breakfast every day. So many of the girls are full of smiles and bursting to share them with you. They never seem to be in too much of their own pain to think about others.

I think it's time I take a page out of their book and put aside my tissues to run a few laps around the block!

Please help give these kids a chance to live it up in Camp Simcha/Special by sponsoring me in the Team Lifeline marathon! Thank you, Apple, for your sponsorship.

Mosaic

The beautiful
smooth
new
piece which
had been whole
unblemished
unused
and purely perfect
now lay
shattered
scattered slivers
on the hard
stone floor.
Wholeness
destroyed.

Sharp edges
gleam and glitter
scratches catch
an unseen light.

Insightful artists
brush aside the dust
pick up the pieces
and journey on
an uncharted
exploration.

Artist's hands
move and do
but their work is shaped
by the personality
and destiny
of each
unique
piece.

Splatters
are anchored
Fragments
unified
into a
new
different
kind
of whole.

From within the shards
of devastation
emerges
an
exquisite
work
of art
Truly unique
it posseses
its own beauty.

Beauty altered
but not diminished.

Home

Get out your guitar and pick a tune (any one will do)...

I'm coming home
with a suitcase full of dreams

and I always know

that even though you seem

so far away

you're right here at my side

every day

and there's no place I can hide

So I'm coming home

with a suitcase full of hope

because alone

there's no way I can cope

but next to you

I feel sheltered from all harm

so let me through

to embrace your waiting arms

Because I'm coming home

with a suitcase full of love

it's time to show

that I've been thinking of

this journey home

every day, all day long

wherever I roam

I've been singing this song:

I'm coming home...

Wishing all of Klal Yisrael a safe, healthy, kosher, peaceful, uplifting, joyous, beautiful, special yom tov!

THIS YEAR IN JERUSALEM!!!

The Problematic Poster Puzzle

Couldn't find the picture I wanted for this post... been looking since Succos... but I'll do the writing anyway. So just picture a classic succah-poster of the Bais Hamikdash, ok?

Something always bothered me about those posters. I couldn't figure out what it was or why, but there was something wrong. Even the most beautifully illustrated pictures of the Bais Hamikdash never appealed to me.

Finally, while musing about the geula and the Bais Hamikdash one day, it dawned on me.

All the pictures show a building. A very beautiful building.

The Bais Hamikdash is not a building. And you're not allowed to look at it to enjoy its beauty.

The true beauty of the Bais Hamikdash is when it is filled with our prayers and service of HaShem.

Visualize in your mind the Bais Hamikdash rebuilt. Or in the past, before it was destroyed.
Picture the courtyard filled with Cohanim rushing about in perfect order to perform their duties.

Hear the Levites on the steps playing their music.

Smell the ketores and watch it rise in a straight pillar from the kodesh.

See the throngs of Bnei Yisrael coming towards the grand gates, leading animals for sacrifices, bearing gifts and tithes for the Cohanim. Hear them on the roads, trading wares, greeting friends they haven't seen since the last holiday, exchanging news, tending children.

Feel the excitement of coming close to HaShem, of doing the mitzvot of the Bais Hamikdash the way they are meant to be done.

Now where is all that in the posters?

I want to draw the Bais Hamikdash in all its glory -- the glory of its fullness, of the population filling it, of the activity all about it. Of Life.

The problem is, I'm not going to do it wrong. And I lack the knowledge to do it quite right.

Never mind the time!

So for now, I'll just continue to be disappointed until someone prints a livelier picture.

May we all merit to participate in the life of the Bais Hamikdash ASAP!

Sad Lad

This is Sam.*
Look, look.
Look at Sam.
Sam is sad.

Mom says Sam must read.
Sam can read.
He reads That Fat Cat.

Sam does not like That Fat Cat.
He wants to read big books.
Sam is too old for baby books.

Teacher says Sam must read.
He must read That Fat Cat.
Then he will learn to read better.
Then he can read Encyclopedia Brittanica.

Sam is sore.
He has read That Fat Cat many times.
He does not think he will learn now.
He does not like to hear
how far he has come.
He is tired.

Sam is sad.
See Sam kick.
Sam is sad and bad and mad.

BasMelech is mad, too.
She must be mad --
She wanted to teach Sam!
BasMelech is sad and mad.
And sometimes bad.

BasMelech wants to be good.
She is not so good.

BasMelech's friends say
Don't beat yourself up.
You do some things right.

BasMelech does not want to do
some things right.
She wants to be perfect.

BasMelech's friends say
Being a little good is OK.
Then you will learn to be better.
Someday you can be a tzadeikes.

BasMelech is sore.
She has been mediocre for a long time.
She thinks she may never be great.
She is tired.

But she gets up every morning
And tells Sam
to go on trying.

*Name changed to protect minors.

Chanuka wrap

Lit all eight candles tonight.
That was quick.

Just to stick my foot in the door before the last moments escape, I was listening to a shiur, "Lighting the Fire Within," by Rabbi Naftali Elsaz. He brought out the uniqueness of Chanukah from an interesting angle: Usually, when something pure comes into contact with something impure, the pure becomes tainted and does not elevate the impure. However, the Chanukah miracle is described as "temayim beyad tehorim" -- the pure overcame the impure. He went on to attribute that to the enthusiasm and zeal of the Hasmoneans.

The first thing that came to my mind after hearing this was blogging. I often wonder whether I belong here, whether the benefits outweigh the concerns, whether my pure intentions are enough to stand up to the tum'ah that is the internet. This didn't bring me any closer to a resolution, it was just a point to ponder...

I didn't hear it in the speech (could be I spaced out through that part...) but I think this is a message inherent in the menorah as well. Darkness doesn't kill a flame; rather, a flame dispels the dark. The pure overcomes the impure. Chanukah.

Then I mused it another step: The reason for the above is because darkness in essence is the absence of light. Once the light is kindled, the darkness vanishes -- it was nothing all along. I don't remember the specifics, but I vaguely recall learning something in the past about tum'ah being the removal of purity... that fits.

Finally, one last link to take us back to Chanukah: The above all fits because Yavan (ancient Greece) was hevel, nothing. Nothing is the absence of substance. Whereas previous oppressors fought for a different holiness, pushing their gods on us, the Greeks were godless. Beauty for its own sake, the world is perfect and they seek nothing higher. So instead of having to fight to destroy something, all that's needed is to bring back substance to end the vacuum. Light the menorah and fill the dark void.

Here's something real that we can take with us into life after Chanukah. It's time to put away the silver menorah and become a human menorah. By simply doing the right things, the Torah things, you are actively purifying the world. And you don't necessarily need to debate with a missionary to do it.

"Me-at min ha-or doche harbay min hachoshech" or something like that.

The highlight of my Chanukah, though, was getting to meet some people in real life. I felt bad for those who couldn't make it, so I took a picture to share some of the fun with you. Take a look to see who turned up!

Destiny and Me in the Amazon

Okay, okay, that's Amazon.com, not the Amazon. Actually, it's Half, not Amazon at all. But this way just sounded so much cooler :-P If my site won't get clicks for "A Day in the Life..." than maybe it will get them for "Drama and Danger in the Brazilian Jungle." But I digress.

Last week, I ordered two books for college. At least, I thought I did. I was quite pleased because one turned out to be very inexpensive and for the other, I found a real bargain -- a "like new" for the price of an "acceptable." Yes, I'm easy to thrill.

A few days later, I suddenly realized I still hadn't gotten any confirmation by email. I'd forgotten to check for the initial confirmation from the website, so I was waiting patiently for the individual sellers to let me know they'd shipped my books... Anyway, there was no record of my purchase anywhere online. Apparently, I hadn't bought any books at all.

Hang in there, this isn't a rant.

So I went back to the book's page, and of course the "metziah" wasn't there anymore. I was disappointed, but of course I knew that it was "min hashamayim"...

It wasn't until about three days later that I realized what happened.

In the time between my first would-be order and the second, I found out that I really didn't need one of the books (the one that was always cheap). However, the amount I was supposed to spend had already been determined a little over a month ago, on Rosh Hashana. So, HaShem saved me the trouble of trying to store, resell, package, and mail an extra book later on by arranging for me to spend more on the other book instead! Yes, the cost difference balanced out just about exactly.

How cool is that?

Parshas Noach - Rebuilding

At this time of year, I sometimes think of the psychological suspense novel I will never write:

Humanity has been all but destroyed. You don't know how because the book begins after the fact. The world looks exactly the same as it does today. A lone person emerges from his bunker to find himself utterly alone. He immediately commits himself to hunt down and communicate with all living people. After a few months, he and six other people who have found each other reach the conclusion that they are the only live human beings on Earth.

Thus begins a new phase of history: Adapting to the new existence. Whether or not humanity will continue is up to them. They will need to cooperate in order to survive... if they decide it's worth surviving. At least one person believes all is lost. The others are driven to rebuild, enamored with the opportunity of starting fresh. Will they manage to repopulate the world? What will their kids be like? (Imagine growing up knowing that the future of humankind literally depends on you.)

Seven people with different personalities and no way to escape the group other than death. They will just have to get along. Will they be able to reach effective decisions about vital matters with their judgement impaired by emotions? Will they ever learn to truly love one another or will there always be unpleasant feelings simmering under the surface?

Meanwhile, supplies are running low. How will they harness an entire history worth of technology to serve them? Remember, while modern innovations speed processes and make production easier, they are designed for mass production and these seven pioneers have to make it work -- or starve. Not your classic desert island situation at all.

What if someone has a preexisting addiction? Will they have to go crazy satisfying it or will s/he be able to snap out of it in this time of need?

At some point, of course, they will also meet up with another individual or group who has been living in isolation all these years... who may have had an entirely different approach... so we see an alternate outcome. But now that they have met, how will this change things? Will they choose to remain together?

------------------------OOO-----------------------

On a somewhat unrelated note, also on the parsha though:

We learn that the world was dispersed for the sake of its own survival.

Notice how the world is shrinking by leaps and bounds these days?

Seems almost everyone is connected again.

In other areas, too, it feels like people are reverting to the pre-dispersion state of affairs. Hamaven yavin.

Eek.

Just some food for thought...

Giving

Looking from afar
I saw
that which
you haven't
you can't
and I do.

Now I know:
While I talk,
You pray;
While I think,
You feel;
While I do,
You are.

They call me
the caregiver
and you
the invalid.

But as I look
after you --
You teach
my clouded eyes
to see.

And as I lend
my hands to you --
You fill
my hollow heart
with love.

Looking from afar
they ask
why
and how
I "do it."
It's a fair trade -
and I got the better deal!

For A and E -- I am so lucky to know you. Thanks for all your love.

The Final Exam

Technically speaking, I had all the time in the world to study.
Practically, it boiled down to about two days.

It was an extremely important test. So great, in fact, that for a while I couldn't even bear to think about it. So I didn't.
But time marched on anyway, and in the back of my mind I knew I would have to take the test regardless.

So I made up my mind and took out my notes. I also had to get everything ready. In order to ensure an optimal studying experience with minimal interruptions, I had to make sure I had something to drink and nosh handy, as well as paper and pens in case I had to write anything. I then adjusted the air conditioner, turned on some soft classical background music, and brought the cordless phone so I wouldn't have to go running for unimportant phone calls. Then I had to replenish my drink and nosh.
Almost ready.

So I finally sat down to study, skimmed a few pages, highlighted some facts to memorize later. The information was swarming before my eyes; I feared I would never understand it all.
Studying is hard work.
I needed a break.
I mean, no one is perfect. If you do nothing but study, your brain will explode. Everyone needs a break to refresh themselves now and then. I'd be right back.

Well, it took a little longer than expected. You know, one thing led to a next... but I'm back, and now it's really time to hit the books.

I breezed through a couple of chapters that I was kind of familiar with, then I came across one real stumper. I read a couple of paragraphs, but it just wasn't working.
Oh well, I guess I'll just skip Unit 4, then.
Come on, they can't really expect you to know the whole entire book, can they?

By about 5AM, I was completely exhausted. I felt like I just couldn't keep my eyes open another second! But, knowing that the final would begin in just a few hours no matter how prepared I would (or wouldn't) be, I pushed ahead and studied for all I was worth.
Don't know why I bothered. At that hour, it was taking three times as long as it should have and there were times when I was sure my eyes were fooling me...
But I just had to do whatever I could.

Because ready or not, it was time for the final.

Might sound like a cute anecdote, typical 10th-grade style. However, I urge you to think of the Final Exam which we will each face after 120 years, iy"H. Each part of this little essay corresponds to a common tactic of the yetser hara (evil inclination) who tries to distract us from our true task. What will we answer when the Examiner asks what we did when we should have been preparing? "I spent my nights blogging... some were very interesting, you know..."

Long time no see

It's been way, way too long.
I could tell you all the excuses
but you know me too intimately for that.
The truth hurts
but it's all there is.
I got busy
put you on hold
meant to come back
you know how it is...
I'm sorry
I didn't take the time to listen to you
didn't tend to your needs
figured you'd still be there
same as always
when I'd have time.
But I didn't.
And you weren't.
And I went on
without you.
I didn't mean
to drift away.
But drift I did
without you,
my best friend,
to guide me.

Then one day
sounding faraway
as if through a mist
and down a long tunnel
I heard your voice
My heart leapt
With a pang
as I realized
I barely recognize you anymore.

But now, I promise
I'm listening
We'll catch up on old times
And this time
We won't just keep in touch
because I'll never let go of you
again.

It's been way, way too long.
Oh, Neshamale
(Dear Soul),
how I've missed you!

Update and Glimpse of G-d

Just sharing the joy -- I am just about over the peak of my really hard schoolwork, and plan to catch up on the blogging big time starting this weekend iy"H.

Since I have had so much time to generate various ideas since my last posts, I will gladly take "orders" of what you'd like to see next. The menu can be found in the comments to the Monarch post, here. Or you can give your own ideas of what you'd like to hear the BasMelech views about.

I am proud to inform you that this establishment is currently negotiating a merger with the noteworthy Torah Thoughts/DOTK blog. All in favor, say aye.

Sorry, Dreamer, we don't serve alcohol here; I suspect there are minors present. The beverage of the week is coffee! And that is on its way out -- yuck. No steak, either -- just half baked food for thought. And lots of ice cream, of course.

Meanwhile...
Today I had yet another reminder that G-d is in control and you will get what's coming to you no matter what you do. I was running late getting somewhere, so I thought I'd splurge on a cab in the hopes of getting there faster, possibly even on time... and through various circumstances ended up arriving an hour and a half late! (Usually a 40-minute ride by car, an hour by public trasportation) Could have paid two dollars for the same result... Oh well, no price is too high for a good practical mussar lesson. You lay your plans, but you will get where you're going exactly when you're destined to be there.

You don't truly know sunshine
Until you see rain;
You can't feel real pleasure
Without any pain.

Photo credit: Reuters.com

Silent Song

I recently had the opportunity to have a look into a shul's genizah (that's where they keep religious items that are no longer used). Here's my first attempt to verbalize my feelings. There will probably be more.

I entered with the solemnity of the approach to a deathbed. I didn't know what to expect, but I was sure it would end in tears.

The quiet in the room was perfect. Nothing stirred. Waiting... waiting.

Then from the silence rose the whisper of time. It slowly crept out from the wrinkles, seeping through cracks to harmonize with the stillness. Sensing my listening ear, the voice of the ages grew stronger and began to flow.

I was deeply attracted to it. How could I fulfill my mission? There was a song in the room, a soundless tune that echoed off the walls. It was beautiful, bitter yet sweet, rising from the dust to proclaim its life. Spellbound, I wondered how I could be the one to silence it, the harbinger of death. It was a task for the heartless, I thought, not for a lover like me.

There was pain in the song. Listening closely, I began to realize that it was not directed at me. It was the pain of a soul abandoned far from home. It was a call, an entreaty to give it one last chance, to bring back the glory of its youth in its final days.

I am still sure it will end in tears, but I am also happy. I am happy to grant last respects to an old friend. I am happy I am the agent, instead of a heartless brute. Most of all, I'm happy I was able to hear.